


50 Sentences of a Dark Lord

by BeastOfTheSea



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Community: 1sentence, Dark Character, Dark!Harry, Gen, bit of snark on the fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-13
Updated: 2013-02-13
Packaged: 2017-11-29 03:42:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/682349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeastOfTheSea/pseuds/BeastOfTheSea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the 1sentence Alpha theme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	50 Sentences of a Dark Lord

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** Do I look like J.K. Rowling?

**01 – Comfort**

The only comfort Remus has is that James, Lily, and Sirius aren’t here to see this.

                                                        

**02 – Kiss**

As it turns out, Horcruxes are absurdly simple to destroy, despite all propaganda to the contrary; all it takes is a Dementor’s Kiss.

 

**03 – Soft**

The first thing Harry notices about the other first-years at Hogwarts, once the first wave of dizzy wonderment has worn off, is how _soft_ they all are.

 

**04 – Pain**

The look on the Dark Lord’s face when he casts the Cruciatus is never the crazed glee of Bellatrix Lestrange or the cool disdain of Voldemort, but the grim smile of a weary, unloved little boy who has at last attained power.

 

**05 – Potatoes**

Even Dark Lords have their indulgences.

 

**06 – Rain**

Harry, six years old, shut his eyes and wished that the rain would continue on forever, and wash the Dursleys and all the world away; Harry, sixteen years old, stood in the ruins of the Dursleys’ home and smiled up into the darkened sky, holding his arms outstretched and letting the rain wash their last remains and all the blood away.

 

**07 – Chocolate**

Harry doesn’t like the way chocolate makes him feel after a Dementor attack; the return of happiness and warmth distracts him from his single-minded hatred of those _things,_ and muddles his plans for vengeance.

 

**08 – Happiness**

Happiness is an illusion, and friends are a lie.

 

**09 – Telephone**

“You see this?” the new Dark Lord demands as he points to the newest appliance in his Ministry, courtesy of Weasleys’ Wizarding Wares; “This is called a _telephone_ , and by the end of this week, all of you are going to learn how to _use it_.”

 

**10 – Ears**

All Harry’s pleas for help fell on deaf ears in the Muggle world, everyone forewarned about Vernon and Petunia’s troublemaking nephew; all Harry’s pleas for help fell on deaf ears in the Wizarding world, everyone forewarned about the pampered, unstable Boy-Who-Lied; now, all the world’s pleas for help fall on deaf ears, the Dark Lord all too forewarned about everyone else.

 

**11 – Name**

Unlike his predecessor, the current Dark Lord still goes by his old name.

 

**12 – Sensual**

After the fortieth gushing fan letter from mentally-disturbed witches (and a few wizards) about how sensual it is when he speaks in Parseltongue, the disgusted Dark Lord decides to practice some new form of intimidating speech.

 

**13 – Death**

Voldemort tried to conquer it, but he never succeeded; all of his old foes are terrified Harry _has_.

 

**14 – Sex**

_The Dark Lord has not, nor will ever have, intercourse with any wizards on the following list: Draco Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy, Tom Marvolo Riddle Jr., Severus Snape, or any former member of Tom Riddle Jr.’s motley band, for that matter; nor does the Dark Lord entertain a harem including, but not limited to, Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood, Daphne Greengrass, Astoria Greengrass, Susan Bones, Narcissa Malfoy, Bellatrix Lestrange, Molly Weasley, his own mother, Winky the House Elf, and the entire Veela population of France for upwards of thirty-two hours a day via extensive abuse of Time-Turners; nor has the Dark Lord ever had congress with beings outside human notions of sex, gender, and physical possibility –_ update your stories accordingly, _Miss Skeeter_.

 

**15 – Touch**

Harry dislikes being touched; after going so long without it, he’s not sure what to do with it.

 

**16 - Weakness**

“I hate being weak,” Harry mutters as he and Ron pick themselves up off the compartment floor after Crabbe and Goyle’s beating, “I hate being weak.”

 

**17 – Tears**

It appears that phoenixes do not cry for the same reasons humans do; he’d forever earn the favor of St. Mungo’s if he could make this damn bird weep.

 

**18 – Speed**

Easy is the descent – and quick, too.

 

**19 – Wind**

The favor of the Wizarding public comes and goes like the wind, Harry notes; all they respect is power.

 

**20 – Freedom**

“Actually, Hermione,” the Dark Lord says, cutting his newest captive off, “you _were_ completely right about House Elves being no different from wizards, but with the wrong sign – _neither_ race wants freedom, only a stable master.”

 

**21 – Life**

People could be impressed all they liked by Dumbledore’s warbling about accepting one’s own death, but Harry preferred the words of the wise man who had said that a living dog was better than a dead lion.

 

**22 – Jealousy**

_Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies._ – Lord Voldemort

 

**23 – Hands**

_While we investigate qualified replacements for the extinct Dementors, Azkaban will temporarily institute perpetual viewings of_ Manos: The Hands of Fate _for all prisoners; we thank the occupants for their understanding._

 

**24 – Taste**

“Mudblood”, “Half-Blood”, “Pureblood” – it actually all tastes the same.

 

**25 – Devotion**

“Milord,” the Dark Lord’s most devoted lieutenant pants, leaning close to him, “whatever more you might wish, I shall surely –”; he dismisses her with a wave of his hand and says, “That will be all, Ginny.”

 

**26 – Forever**

_Who wants to live forever_ – er, a bloody lot of people, Harry thought.

 

**27 – Blood**

_Blood calls to blood_ , the Dark Lord thinks as Percy Weasley sobs in pain at the center of the ritual circle; the Weasley clan will not evade his grasp much longer.

 

**28 – Sickness**

The Dursleys treated him like he was the bearer of some horrible sickness, the Wizarding world treated him alternately like a life-giver and a bearer of plague, and now even those he trusted have begun to eye him as if his presence is death – well, Harry thinks, gritting his teeth through another flash of pain in his scar, perhaps it’s time to prove them all right.

 

**29 – Melody**

“Out, out, damn Phoenix–” the Dark Lord snarls at the firebird now perched on his windowsill for the hundredth time, trilling a mournful melody, “Your master is dead, and you have no business here any longer.”

 

**30 – Star**

“Sirius,” Harry says, his eyes fixed upon a certain star, “if you had objections to what I would become, you could have tried a bit harder to not die.”

 

**31 – Home**

In the end, Hogwarts is his only real home.

 

**32 – Confusion**

There is no longer good and evil, only one Dark Lord and another.

 

**33 – Fear**

_Oderint dum metuant (Let them hate, so long as they fear) –_ a favorite phrase of the Roman Emperor Caligula, originally from a play by the tragedian Lucius Accius

 

**34 – Lightning/Thunder**

DARK LORD: That’s a very interesting question, Miss Skeeter; I suppose the term “Lightning Lord” originally came from my scar, but I’ve heard other explanations – admittedly from sycophants – involving my skill as a Seeker, or my speed in a duel…  

**35 – Bonds**

Despite his experiences at the Dursleys’, Harry entered the Wizarding world bound by a hundred vague feelings of right and wrong and attachments to childish morality; as the years went on and his knowledge of the world grew, they were snipped away one by one.

**36 – Market**

The Romans had the right idea – auctioning off the property of the proscribed _did_ raise money for a new government awfully quickly.

 

**37 – Technology**

As the corpse of the wizard who had been protesting the change of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts division into the Adaptation of Muggle Artifacts division hit the floor, the Dark Lord said wryly, “Next?”

 

**38 – Gift**

_Those who persecute a wizard or witch for unusual gifts, such as Parseltongue, will be prosecuted under the old witch-hunting laws – in their_ original _forms, before Light wizards and witches with weak stomachs took all the bite out of them._ (Decrees of the Lightning Lord, #6)

 

**39 – Smile**

Looking through old photos of the Dark Lord during his days at Hogwarts, one quickly notices that his smile, when it appears, is always wan, uncertain… and obviously forced.

 

**40 – Innocence**

-is greatly overrated.

 

**41 – Completion**

_Ah_ , the Dark Lord thinks with a feeling of simple satisfaction, checking the final name off the list of Death Eaters, _that’s the full set._

 

**42 – Clouds**

In the middle of the first battle of the war where _both_ sides are using Peruvian Darkness Powder, Harry contemplates how, precisely, he will give Fred and George an extremely _slow_ and _painful_ death if they don’t agree to stop selling to Voldemort’s side after this.

 

**43 – Sky**

There’s _nothing_ better than flying, nothing, _nothing –_

 

**44 – Heaven**

Three enormous meals a day, a large, soft bed, a life outside the cupboard; no beatings on the playground, no Dursleys screaming hatred at him, no chores: yes, Harry thinks, this must be heaven.

 

**45 – Hell**

One wonders why Dumbledore never realized that Dark Lords have a _perfectly legitimate_ reason to fear death.

 

**46 – Sun**

“Dark” magic is a stupid name, really; people suffer and die and cities fall just as well in bright sunlight as in the deepest dark.

 

**47 – Moon**

“Of course it is not illegal to skin a fallen werewolf during the full moon; I, myself, have a wonderful pelt from Fenrir Greyback…”

 

**48 – Waves**

If Voldemort had truly wanted to protect his Horcruxes, he would have tossed one into the sea and let the waves carry it away.

 

**49 – Hair**

One of the privileges of being a Dark Lord is that no one dares comment on your uncombed hair.

 

**50 – Supernova**

_This might not have been the best idea,_ Harry thinks as the entire Great Hall fills with white light.


End file.
